A California Yankee in King Cake's Court

Sorry, Gay Americans! Those popper-fueled gloryhole orgies will have to wait a day or two. (Apparently Pat Robertson’s god isn’t all-powerful so much as sorta-powerful, at least for a day or two.) You know, the ones that conservitards seem so obsessed over and seem to think you squeeze in every afternoon between, say, taking your kids to the orthodontist or buying cupcakes.

Also: “controversy”, lolz. If I may paraphrase Inigo Montoya, I don’t think that word means what you think it means. It’s not “controversial”, or even vaguely surprising, when a withered old fart like Robertson goes on a show that exists to separate homophobes from their money and says something homophobic. It’s just business as usual.

I stumbled across this on tumblr, where the consensus seemed to be “So, this is from The Onion, right?” It appears to be real, if only because it’s impossible to satirize Pat Robertson and I don’t think The Onion would bother. What’s that rule about satire, that it fails when it’s indistinguishable from the thing it’s mocking? Robertson has been a walking, talking parody of the obnoxious American christian fundamentalist for years. I mean, nothing you could make up and ascribe to him could possibly be more insane than this actual quote:

Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

If anything surprises me, it’s that the younger conservatives put up with him making them look like assclowns. Whenever he says something like this I always expect, I don’t know, Ann Coulter or someone marginally less doltish than Robertson to pat him on the head and tell him that’s very nice paw-paw, but the grown-ups are trying to have a dialogue here, so eat up your strained peas and go take a nap. You know how getting riled up over buttsecks tuckers you out.